Theater of Truth
by Enisy
Summary: Annie discovers how much of oneself goes into a self-appointed role, a white lie, and an ad-libbed kiss. - Abed/Annie -
1. Chapter 1

**Theater of Truth**

**Chapter 1**

A pair of pigeons copulated outside the window. A fly droned while making lazy loops above the desk. The dean's disembodied voice announced a Greendale Medieval Fair, and regrettably also his costume, Guinevere. The human occupants of the study room remained silent through all of this, and pointedly still.

Annie didn't know how much longer her poker face would hold. She'd badly hoped that harmony would be restored after yesterday's events – their reunion for the winter semester, their quick sweep of the remaining 'Paint Wars' debris, their reconciliation with Pierce – but nope. No such luck. Her friends had packed into the room, shuffled to their seats, and had since been looking at each other with all the woe and mistrust of a baby bloodhound. Any second now they would notice the overhanging problem (her heart quailed). Somehow they would notice, and they would wonder, and they would _ask_ –

"Do pigeons even _have_ penises?"

"Troy! Is it just me, or is the group dynamic totally off-kilter, even now that Pierce is here?" As usual, Jeff wasn't pulling any punches. His words seemed to take substance, elbow the hulking, gelatinous mass of silence out of the room.

"Now that you mention it…"

"Oh no! How could this happen?"

"_Please_. Jeff is just looking for an excuse to let the Chinese midget into the group, give us a full palette."

Annie wrung her hands together, squeezing the imaginary rope that would pull her back from the brink of hysteria. The conscience that she had cultivated over the span of four different crushes – three regular and one celebrity – was now bursting into harrowed screams. She was a good person! She shouldn't be keeping secrets! Shouldn't be cocking up the group's chemistry, or disturbing the Force, or bombing the Tree of Souls, or… movie reference! But her voice had retracted to a hollow of her throat, tiny and insecure.

"Birds are descended from dinosaurs, right?" Troy was carrying on, still engrossed in the world's cutest peek show. "Did _dinosaurs_ have penises?"

_Confess_, her conscience chided. _Prevaricate_, her inner addict slurred. Well, here at least was a chance for the latter; and envisioning it as a feisty rodeo horse, Annie pounced, held tight and rode. "Speeeeaking of extinct things… what does everyone think of our common class for the new semester? 'Ancient Mythologies Throughout the Ages'?"

"Well, it's… um…"

"Yeah, it's very… 'um'."

Noncommittal noises from all corners, a sneeze, a brief lull when Britta loudly denounced goat sacrifices, and then… with a casualty unforeseen, and all the more delicious for it… the group launched into a different discussion. Annie couldn't believe it. Suh-core! They hadn't asked the right questions. She hadn't been exposed, nor interrogated, nor even suspected. She felt her chest heaving in relief, like a flag under a hearty gust of wind. It was too good to be true…!

It was, actually, too good to be true.

Abed, who had remained quiet and detached for the duration of Annie's panic attack, suddenly swiveled his head like some kind of locomotive, and opened his mouth. "First of all, Troy, those are legit questions about avian reproduction. We'll wiki later. And as for your question, Jeff…" Instantly alarmed, Annie tried to catch his eye, but it was too late. Her world came tumbling forth in rushes: a rickety multi-level wedding cake. "…the cause of the group's presently unstable dynamic can be traced back to the latest paintball episode, when Annie and I kissed in the context of Han/Leia role-play. Because romance is a pretty big deal in the industry, our kiss made the cut as one of last season's dangling plot-threads, which meant that its consequences had to be addressed. In this case, the consequences included a three-month-long affair between Annie and me, the ghost of which will affect the cast's collective interaction, until the secret comes out in the most graceless and humiliating way possible."

Everyone gaped. And gaped. And Shirley actually crossed herself. And gaped. Annie buried her beet-red face in her hands.

Meanwhile, Abed was skimming over his audience's galvanized expressions with a childlike curiosity.

"Exposition dump?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Theater of Truth**

**Chapter 2**

Jeff was the first to snap out of the slack-jawed bug-eyed mystical walkabout on which four out of six group members had departed, courtesy of Abed's bombshell. "Annie… we need to talk," he growled, striding to her chair, grabbing her arm, and unceremoniously dragging her out of the room. Shirley and Pierce followed in his wake, whereas Troy opted to stay behind. Out of the corner of her eye, Annie caught him congratulating Abed in a very enthusiastic, very, very intricately staged manner.

She didn't pull away from Jeff, not even once they were outside the door. How strange. One of the Annie variations slumbering under her skin must have deemed her worthy of punishment – any and every punishment the universe had in store for her.

Any…

And every…

Except, possibly, for this stress headache.

"Guys, can't we reschedule 'The Talk' for another day?" she whimpered. "My brain's lobes are splitting in teams and preparing to play migraine foosball."

"No, Annie," Jeff said, "if this latest revelation holds water, your brain's lobes are situated so far apart they can only be playing migraine _golf_."

Annie flushed, still embarrassed for herself, but now also offended on Abed's behalf. She arched her back and pursed her lips, primming. "Well… actually, the revelation does!" she exclaimed. "Quarts. Gallons. It holds a Pacific ocean of water!"

Jeff flared his nostrils so visibly, dribbled sweat so copiously, that Annie was worried he was going to have an apoplexy – worried enough to refrain from playing the 'jealousy' card. When, in time, the storm dispersed and it became clear that he'd dodged that bullet, Jeff attempted to school his features into a mask more confident, more gracious. But to no avail.

"I just don't understand why you did it!" he erupted. "How – wha – were you going after a medal or something? 'First awakener of a robot's primal instincts'? 'Cause if there's an institution that hands out medals for pointless pursuits like that, you're right, it's _gotta_ be Greendale."

"I think what Jeffrey is trying to say," Shirley cut in, deliberately employing her sweetest, most maternal tone, "is that it's hard enough making sure you're not taken advantage of, Annie. We didn't think we'd have to worry about _you_ taking advantage of others."

"Taking advantage – taking _advantage_? _I_ took advantage of _Abed_?" This whole mad situation had transmuted Annie's mind into a quagmire, where all words leaked mud and thoughts slopped and squelched like galoshes. She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Look, if it makes you feel better, we didn't even have sex! We just made out a few times!"

"Wait, what? You did _what_?" Pierce squawked, as though roused from eight centuries of cryostasis. That explained the patent lack of racist comments. "Is _that_ what Aybed's speech was about? I mean…" He shrugged nonchalantly. "I must have been listening to my iPod, I wasn't paying attention."

"Annie," Jeff said warningly, ignoring the older man.

Annie turned her head away; she had to, if she wanted to seriously reflect on the advice given to her. While they were face-to-face, all she could see was Abed's take on Jeff: a big talking head in a box, all sophistry and no gist.

"We were just having a bit of fun with role-play," she pouted, struggling to oil her gears. "You know, he'd be Indiana, I'd be Marion, he'd be Khal Drogo, I'd be Daenerys, he'd be Bender, I'd be Amy Wong…" She glanced at Jeff, verifying that he was completely and utterly ooged out. "I'm sure Abed enjoyed it, too! Even if he didn't say anything as himself during…" Her eyes took on a far-away look. "…or after…"

That pulled her up short. Was it true? Had she been taking advantage of Abed? She dipped into the crystalline water of memory, where wondrous abiogenesis spawned everything from continents to sunsets to ten-watt smiles, and she invoked the past summer's events like polaroids. 'Logan' and 'Veronica' shooting riffs back and forth. 'Ten' and 'Rose' holding hands. 'Mal' and 'Inara' locking lips, so stunning, so wet. Tongues, sometimes. 'Mal' cloudy-eyed and short of breath, then… suddenly… noiselessly… from one moment to the next… rigid. Robotic. Estranged.

Abed.

"But," she said quietly, "it won't happen again."

Jeff, Shirley and Pierce didn't intervene when Annie sideswiped her way out of their circuit.

Passing by the study room, she saw Abed lift a hand to her in a small wave. The window between them could have been a wormhole into another universe. Annie walked on. She had class in five minutes.


End file.
